I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
