I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
