I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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