I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
