My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
