Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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