I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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