i already hear my dad disowning me
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
