shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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