PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
