his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
