I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Drake has all the answers
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
