2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
