WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
