At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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