I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
