You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
