Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
