So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
a search helicopter?!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
