Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
