I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
