theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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