I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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