I just made out with a guy for $7.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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