I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
