When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
if only i could text you this smell
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
