If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
