i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
