I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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