I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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