I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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