If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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