My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
