Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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