At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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