He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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