She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
