Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
