I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
