I faked an abortion last night.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
