Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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