highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
