there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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