I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Randomize
