at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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