Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
