i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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