is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
COCAINE IS GR8
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
