Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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