how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
