she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
