Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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