i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
