I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
