i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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