Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
