"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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