you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
