you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
