thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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