I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
